30
Apr

One-way intimacy

   Posted by: Greg Schwartz   in Commentary

I received a number of interesting comments in response to my post on managing my social networks. I’ve received feedback in the comments here, on Twitter, via IM, in the LSW Meebo chat room and in privately sent email. Lots of people have lots of different ideas as to how to manage their own social networks.

One person took the time to explain why some might be put-off by my relatively aggressive extroversion.* And I get that, I really do. But I’ll take my chances on making a real connection with four people for every one person that isn’t looking for that kind of interaction. Heck, I’d probably take my chances on making a real connection with one out of the five, but that’d be a discouraging rate of return after a while. Either way, it’s better than missing out on all five by not trying.

I was listening to an old episode of C.C. Chapman’s Managing the Gray podcast earlier this week. There was an audio comment from Julien Smith where he elaborated on the concept of one-way intimacy.

Here’s what he means: Content producers who have established a solid community around their content, often succeed in doing so because they are authentic and transparent with their audiences, putting a lot of themselves out there for people to see. Consumers feel that they really get to know the producer in meaningful ways.

But there’s little to no reciprocation. The audience has no real commitment to the producer in exchange for that intimacy. The usual development of mutual intimacy through the two-way sharing of personal insights, secrets and experiences does not exist. The producer doesn’t know the individuals who consume the show in the same way that they know her.

I am fairly open with the audience here in a lot of ways. I share frank, honest, not always popular opinions. I announce the birth of my children. You might say that, to some degree, you know me. And yet many of you have no real intimacy with me. Exceptions notwithstanding, I don’t necessarily know who you are at all.

And, as much as I’m comfortable with that here, it’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid on Twitter and Facebook. I don’t want either of those spaces to be yet another zone of one-way intimacy.

So if you just want to read what I have to say, but don’t want to interact, then you’re already in the right place. I demand nothing of you here, other than a modicum of respect for me and for each other.** But if you’re asking to follow me in Twitter or friend me on Facebook, then expect that I’ll be asking something of you in return.

I was told by a friend that I am “eccentrically counter-cultural” in this regard. And I’m good with that. If I’m not counter-cultural, who is?

* My extroverted appearance is a learned behavior. I’m an introvert by nature and do not function well without a few hours to myself every evening.

** That said, I’d be happy to connect with you. Drop me a line. Introduce yourself. Start a conversation.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 30th, 2008 at 6:35 am and is filed under Commentary. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

5 comments so far

 1 

Greg,

I totally understand how you feel. I make friends on social networks to make connections and that means two-way.

Michelle

April 30th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Greg
 2 

Yup, Michelle, no argument. The phrase that keeps coming to mind is anti-social networking.

April 30th, 2008 at 8:37 am
 3 

A lot of people like to watch/observe/lurk. It is interesting to me since I was the opposite: I was intensely shy in person, but the web (and pre-web) allowed me to open up and be outgoing in ways I was previously unable to since I was more comfortable with writing than speaking early on. That has led me to be more outgoing in person, but that is another story.

I had an interesting, related experience on Twitter today: I was followed today by a fellow (connected through another community) who happened to be a radio personality when I was in my teens. I would have listened to him every day for years. So it was a surprise to have *him* want to connect to *me*. Kind of fun to be able to tell him finally I was listening to him all those years!

The web and social media is making the world so much smaller (oh man, now you’re listening to my buddy Julien Smith? Who knew?!)

The folks who just lurk are missing out on so, so much of the life experience the rest of us are finding with all of this. Wish they would give it a try, get away from the “radio listener’ mode and try to join in a bit!

Cheers,
Connie

April 30th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Greg
 4 

Eh, I’m not quite listening to Julien, except insofar as he comments on C.C.’s podcast. I really like what he had to say about one-way intimacy though.

It’s OK to lurk in some contexts, as far as I’m concerned, but if you’re going to request to be my friend, I want something more than a lurker.

May 1st, 2008 at 12:55 am
 5 

[...] So recently Greg was ruminating on how to manage social networks.  He discussed the issue of one-way intimacy and who to approve.  So in essence controlling the [...]

May 4th, 2008 at 11:48 am

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